09
Aug
11

07. “The Great Midnight Jerk-Off”

“So shoot me, I was whacking off! That’s right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying “hi” to my monster!”
Lester Burnham, American Beauty

Everyone masturbates. There is nothing wrong with it. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of yourself. You know your body better than anyone and honestly sometimes it’s nice to be sure the job will get done and it’ll get done right. Having said that we as people realize the appropriate and inappropriate times to touch ourselves for pleasure. Alone in your room? Good touch. Showering? Good touch. On the bus? Bad touch. A funeral? Bad touch. You get the idea. My point is there is a place and time for everything.

When I sleep I lie on my stomach with my body wrapped around my pillow facing the edge of my bed. It was a tactic I picked up in the early stages of whoring around. Never face the center of the bed. If you do you may encounter an awkward kiss goodnight or even worse a startling wake-up call the next morning when faced with the shacker you dragged home the night before.

Based on past experience I knew the guy next to me had an obsession for morning hook-ups. He had stayed with me on several occasions and had the tendency to wake me up the next morning with his hand firmly around my dick. When he arrived I assumed that this night in particular was no different and promptly settled into the sleeping position.

He tossed and turned beside me and then draped his body across mine. Now I don’t mind cuddling. It’s not something I do often but I’m certainly not against it. However, I’m a firm believer that when it is time to sleep that all forms of cuddling and/or touching should commence and the only thing that should be happening from then on out is sleep. In short: Get your ass to your side of the bed.

I shifted my weight until he slid off of my body and onto the bed. He rolled onto his back and sighed. I shut my eyes ready to fall asleep. We lie in uneasy silence for a few moments before his restlessness began to reverberate through the whole bed. I turned over my shoulder and peered at him. He was naked.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

He smiled coyly, “Nothing.”

I returned to my position and placed my head on the pillow. Just as I began to drift off I felt more of a commotion in the bed next to me. He was moving but I couldn’t quite place exactly what it was he was doing. Then I felt as his right elbow kept a steady rhythm against my back.

Holy shit. Was he jerking off?! Was he masturbating by himself in my bed?!

I laid there eyes wide open for a while longer as his rhythms became faster and more aggressive. He was definitely jerking off. Jerking off, in my bed, and without the common courtesy to even include me in the act. I didn’t know whether to be offended, angry, or totally disgusted. He didn’t even have the decency to go to the bathroom! Hell if he’d been in there a while and I asked what took so long he could’ve said he had explosive diarrhea and I would’ve been far less freaked out than I was by what he was currently doing.

I was tempted to turn over and say “Hope I’m not disturbing you” but then realized that might prompt him to coax me into joining him and I couldn’t maintain my level of anger and disgust if I was participating in his vile acts.

His movement stopped suddenly. I didn’t know whether he came or just gave up. He draped himself across me once again and I felt his erect penis against my ass. I pushed him off and immediately went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning and ushered him out the door. We didn’t hook up and we ignored the fact that the night before ever happened.

What has my life come to that I can now stand back and allow a guy to get off in the bed next to me while I struggle to fall asleep? Either I’m getting too old for these games or I’ve given up on actually caring about sexual intimacy all together.

Maybe the real question is where in the hell do I find these guys?


0 Responses to “07. “The Great Midnight Jerk-Off””



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 8 other followers

August 2011
S M T W T F S
« Jul   Sep »
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  

Twitter Updates

  • RT @DressySJP I want an entourage. Of boyfriends. #dating 2 years ago
  • I have this weird habit of requiring "After-Sex Milkshakes". Sex makes me want dairy so bad. Is that the weirdest thing ever? 2 years ago
  • RT @mrfrank505: It's unfortunate that the gay community's vocabulary is limited to "Looking" "Nice" "Sexy" and "Sup"  2 years ago
  • My birthday was yesterday and I didn't even get laid. Worst. Birthday. Ever? I couldn't even find a nice, ugly guy. I'm losing my touch. 2 years ago
  • The memories that come up because of my blog are things I wished I could forget. Like the time I had sex with a guy I thought was slow. 2 years ago

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: